Returning to My First Loves

"But you walked away from your first love—why?... 

Turn back! Recover your dear early love."

- Revelation 4:5

This verse has been on my mind some lately. It comes into play in so many areas of my life. I used to love to read...to send notes to people...to write...to ponder life. And, the truth is, I still do. But it's barely recognizable in the ways I have been choosing to invest my time.

I had a brief conversation recently about how difficult is is to unplug. Now, I'm a big fan of all the avenues for connection we have available to us now. There are dear people in my life who would not be there were it not for Facebook...Twitter...and even email. I am genuinely grateful for the Internet.

I also consider myself pretty good about having some boundaries in who I respond to and how quickly I do. The catch is...I like to have the option. I like to know that I can be as connected as I want to be. It comforts me. It satiates my need for control. But, it can keep me from really seeing the people around me. And it most definitely keeps me from living in the moment.

So, what is the answer? Is the answer giving up the luxury of an iPad or Kindle to return to a paper page? No. Do I want to return to the days where who was in our lives on a daily basis was...well...whoever was physically in our lives? Where relationships were born out of proximity, not always through the joining of hearts? No. That could certainly be a lonely place for a pensive personality.

What I want is to meld the two. To see the words of the past on the page of the present. To maximize the the new found conveniences without losing the art of connecting...with others...with myself...with God.

With God. With stillness. With my "First Love." Which brings me to that verse. Returning to my first loves...and my First Love.

Dare I admit, though, that I don't want to return to that "First Love."

I don't want to return to who I was when I first connected with God. I don't want the same feeling...I don't want the same muse...I don't want a "do over." I don't want to "return" to anything.

I want to go further.

I want to take who I am - who the past 30 years of joys and disappointments and experiences have made me - and go deeper into the Truth. Deeper into understanding. Deeper into relationship. Deeper into who I am. And, that can't involve returning. Nor can it involve stagnation.

Admittedly, this blog is touching on two things that barely intersect. But they are colliding boldly with me right now. Pursuing my first loves and my First Love. Not going back. Certainly not standing still. But moving forward...moving towards.

Don't worry - I don't think that I'll be boycotting Facebook anytime soon (although Timeline makes me want to) - but I am going to begin praying about new ways to incorporate my first loves and Love into who I am right now.

I think I'm looking forward to this journey.